When I was younger I was dismissive of people who saw therapists. “What’s the use in that?” I used to think to myself. I didn’t get it at all; it made no sense.
But now I think I’d like to have somebody I could talk to about anything that was on my mind without worrying about being judged or that it might affect a relationship with a friend.
I need a confidante. Somebody to listen while I pour out a stream of thoughts from my turbulent mind. I’m not looking for answers or advice so much. But somebody who could prompt and guide the process would help.
I’m not seeking offers here; I don’t want to have to worry about how much I open up, about confidentiality. I need the reassurance of a relationship that is entirely professional and governed by professional standards.
I guess I’m in the market for a therapist. The younger me would be aghast.
The bottom line is that I need to open up about certain things. Keeping it all in is becoming harmful. It’s making me more vulnerable to depression.
There are some things from my past, some from my present. Things I’ve locked away, things I try to avoid. Things that worry me and others that absolutely terrify me. They’re not going to go away, but just maybe I can learn to live with them.
My Autistic Dance 
When I was put on to SNRIs (not a good move but probably a necessary one – off them now) part of the treatment was to see a therapist (my parents must have turned in their graves :)). I even talked the doc into making the appointment for me (I knew I wouldn’t – phone fear)… now THAT therapist (she was a trauma specialist) WAS the best move!
Opening up to a specialist brought instant relief, reducing the mountain to a mere spec on the ground! Plus she had many tricks up her sleeve to tame my over the top anxiety.
Go find yourself that therapist Alex!xx
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To a certain extent, that was the function of my home coach for a long time. I think what you describe could fall into 2 services, depending on the content of what you want to talk about: a home coach and a therapist.
The things from your past, that you are avoiding, but actually want to / have to learn to live with: that sounds to me like the job of a therapist.
But I’ve also found it extremely helpful that I had a home coach, just to be able to talk through the stuff that was bothering me in a non-therapy kind of way: like a disagreement with a colleague that I was not quite sure how to deal with, not knowing where to start looking for a new home. I didn’t really need serious, professional help with these things; I just needed a sounding board, someone I could talk through, guiding my thinking, so I could figure it out for myself. Or getting small, recurring frustrations out, so they wouldn’t build up to enormous problems.
As an autistic person, a coach to guide you through big changes or difficult times is almost a basic need. They really helped me become stable in my time of burn out/depression, and remain stable after that.
And as you mention, a friend is not always the right person for that.
A therapist is expense, a home coach is less so, and until recently, a bit easier to come by in the Netherlands (with partial government funding). I don’t know how this works in the UK.
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I don’t know how it works in the UK either, but I’m due to speak with my doctor on Friday so I can bring it up then.
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