Much has been written about the case of Issy Stapleton, an autistic girl who survived the attempt by her mother to murder her during her failed suicide attempt. I’ll not repeat the details of the case here.
I’m adding my 2c because this case has been characterized by excuse after excuse for the mother’s actions. Caring for a disabled child is hard: there is no argument about that. Not everybody is able to cope with the day to day hardships involved. Again, no argument from me about that.
I believe it’s not only possible to sympathize with the difficulties faced by parents of disabled children, it’s natural. My own parents had some hard times raising me when they had to involve outside agencies. Yes, there is a lack of support out there and the children and their parents suffer because of that, especially when the cost of that support exceeds the means of the family.
My point is that none of that excuses trying to murder that child. Whether a person is disabled, whether they exhibit behavioral problems or violent outbursts, whether they are able to communicate their needs, whether a parent feels that the situation is more than they are able to cope with: none of this excuses murder, or its attempt.
A disabled person has exactly the same right to live as anybody else. Their life is worth no less. Only the person themselves can possibly judge whether their quality of life is acceptable: nobody else, no matter how close, has that insight or the right to make such a judgment call.
And that is why I will never accept any excuse for the actions of Issy’s mother. I believe her actions in planning to murder her daughter and kill herself were selfish and completely failed to recognize her daughter as an individual with her own feelings and rights. More than that, she betrayed the trust of her daughter by making such a choice on her behalf. Issy had no idea that the so-called camping trip was really meant to result in their deaths. And that is unforgivable.
My Autistic Dance 
Bravo! It offends me that people with autism, aka myself, are not allowed to live, especially by those who are supposed to give the tools for living.
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Thank you. Yes, it is offensive that a person’s disability can be used as an excuse for their abuse and murder. Talk about victim blaming!
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It breaks my heart to think that Issy, who is ALIVE, might hear (and probably has heard) how people defend her mother! Are these people unable to put themselves in Issy’s shoes? She is made of flesh and blood, her heart beats and aches with pain.
It shatters my heart to think of the trust broken, the trust of a child for a mother!
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That is one of the most painful aspects of these events: the victim blaming in an attempt to excuse the mother’s behavior. The effect of it on Issy will probably be very damaging.
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Issy will be traumatized for life and never trust anyone.
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Well written. Thank you. You are correct, there is no excuse. I only hope Issy can live past this. The break of trust is devastating.
As the mother of an autistic girl, I’m so glad there are people standing up for hers and others rights to life, no matter what their disability.
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I’m dedicated to advocating for disability rights, as are many of my friends, and your words are greatly appreciated.
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If a person can’t handle raising their child, they can give the kid up for adoption. If they think it’ll be difficult to place the child in adoption, they can put him in a home. There are solutions, and certainly no excuse to murder.
Your kid isn’t your property, and you have no right to take his life. Thank you very much for writing this, as I fear some people would justify this. Some people still think parents have the right to do whatever they want with their kids, including molesting and killing. Kids have a right to live whether their parents can raise them or not.
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Yes. It is so important to establish boundaries on what is acceptable.
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