My Favorite Doctor

My Favorite Doctor

The Ninth Doctor and Rose Tyler in front of the Tardis

Every Whovian has a favorite Doctor and I’m no exception. I first watched Doctor Who in the late 70’s when the incumbent was Jon Pertwee, but unlike many my first Doctor did not become my life-long number one. Instead it was my second Doctor, Tom Baker, who earned that special place in my feelings.

There’s no one thing that sealed his place in my affections. He had that wonderful scarf, was always ready with a bag of jelly babies in his pocket, and — like every other Doctor incarnation — emerged triumphant from his many perilous adventures. But it was his mellifluous voice that did it for me more than anything else. To this day I will make time to catch a show that features him (although none have lived up to Doctor Who, even the remake of Randall and Hopkirk (Deceased)).

Your favorite Doctor is somebody who makes you feel that the vast universe is being watched over by somebody you can trust to keep the monsters in check. He might be a bit of a rebel, out of favor with the powers that be, but that all adds to his appeal: he’s one of us at heart. Making his way through life with his bag of jelly babies in one hand while flipping the bird at eternity with the other.

I really ought to come clean at this point: even though I watched all the Peter Davison episodes (Tegan was wonderful, and I was upset when Adric died) I never got into the Sixth Doctor, Colin Baker, and gradually stopped watching. Until that lovely man Russell Davies got the series restarted in 2005. Fantastic!

That was when I acquired another favorite Doctor (although he in no way diminished my love for the Fourth Doctor) in the person of Christopher Eccleston. I remembered watching him in Cracker acting opposite Robbie Coltrane and there was just something about his character that engaged me in a way that Colin Baker and Sylvester McCoy (and not forgetting the brief Paul McGann) had failed to.

I recently watched his episodes again on Netflix (regrettably he only starred in one season) and was every bit as enthralled by his performance as I had been the first time I saw it. He brought a refreshing directness to the character with an understated approach that ignored costume quirks in favor of a simple T-shirt, jeans and leather jacket. The depth of the Doctor’s character was enhanced by this low-key approach: the emphasis was on the performance which I felt was nothing short of awesome.

Assisted most ably by Billie Piper’s Rose Tyler, the Ninth Doctor faced Daleks and living mannequins alike with a dry humor and a strong compassion that served to hint at the pain of being the sole survivor of a war between two entire races.

It is ironic that a powerful, near-immortal alien should be one of the most human characters to appear in the entire series, but for me Christopher Eccleston achieved this to a remarkable degree. Much more than previous incarnations he displayed a complexity in the combination of hardness and vulnerability: he showed compassion while avoiding sentimentality.

It is difficult to take on such a well-established role and make it your own. Especially with a character as long-running as the Doctor there must be a degree of continuity with what previous actors have brought to the part as well as enough individuality to set your performance apart from the rest. I believe Christopher Eccleston achieved this most successfully and deserves a lot of credit for the success of the relaunch of the series.

He made the character much more dark and threatening:  here was somebody who could destroy whole worlds — and had. And yet he displayed a sense of fun and playfulness at times that contrasted sharply with the guilt of his instrumental role in the destruction of his race and their world. For me that is such strongly human behavior — to hold the pain inside and carry on fighting to survive even against impossible odds.

And the number one thing I take from Doctor Who? That one person can take a stand for what is right in the face of apparently insurmountable opposition and make a meaningful difference. It’s not about being a hero and receiving the grateful adulation of the saved, it’s not about being recognized as the savior. Watching from the sidelines while everything goes to hell in a hand-basket is not an option: allowing evil to continue without challenging it is the same as being a willing accomplice. And the Doctor has never been one to step aside from a righteous fight.

Feeling Good

Feeling Good

This post is about coming off anti-depressant meds. Please don’t take it as being anti-medication or as a suggestion that anybody would be better off unmedicated. My meds helped me when I needed them most so I would be that last person to advise against taking them. It’s a decision that every person needs to make for themselves.

I stopped taking anti-depressant medication a month ago because the circumstances causing my depression had changed for the better, and because the side-effects had started to impact on my functioning. As I stated in an earlier post I had started on 10 mg Citalopram, soon upping the dosage to 20 mg. This had helped alleviate my symptoms of depression and I had been feeling more like my usual self.

But after a couple of months my circumstances had changed — I had transitioned to living full-time as female and my relationship with Anne had improved immeasurably. That was when I began to notice the negative aspects of SSRI medication. My mood was too stable: I didn’t get appreciable highs or lows. This caused problems: I discovered that not experiencing the highs prevented me from getting motivated. I didn’t even enjoy my work, my major special interest.

I spoke to my doctor about coming off the meds and began the process of reducing my dosage. But it wasn’t as effective as I’d hoped and after speaking to a doctor at the stage of alternating 20 mg and 10 mg daily I decided to try to stop altogether. It took a couple of weeks for my mind to adjust properly but after that I was feeling better than I had for months.

Well, that was over a month ago now and for the past four weeks I have been feeling like my old self. I’m enjoying life again, I’m enjoying my work (I’ve been more productive in the last month than I was for the entire time I was medicated). And that’s why I decided to link this video. It sums up how I’m feeling so well.