Somebody that my wife, Anne, has known all her life phoned her the other day. She hadn’t spoken to this person for a couple of months and had thought it strange that they had not been in touch for so long.
It turned out that this person had been on the receiving end of some transphobic teasing in public because of his association with me through my wife. Rather than standing up for Anne and me, he found the experience humiliating and took this out on my wife.
I’ll not go into all the details, but she was subjected to a torrent of insults and abuse shouted down the phone by this so-called close friend and ended up very upset and distressed. Being called some of the things — perverted, disgusting, embarrassing, mental — was bad enough, but there was worse which I will not repeat here. I’ll just say that it was a massive slur on her character and definitely slanderous.
All because she continues to love me as a trans woman. So these people think I am an embarrassment because I am making the journey to become my real self? Anne and I are two people who love each other and we can’t see how that affects the lives of these others.
We have a message for the people who don’t like how we are: we don’t want anything to do with you and your intolerance. You are an embarrassment, and your ignorant prejudice has no place in our lives. We choose to associate with people who value and practice tolerance, acceptance, understanding and love. Not those who close their minds and treat anything outside their narrow view of the world with fear, contempt, disgust and hatred.
My Autistic Dance 
I have talked about your journey and your openness to other friends of mine, and even though people usually are very accepting of you coming out as trans and me referring to you as my female friend who used to present as male, they ask a LOT of impertinent questions about your marriage. It makes me angry that people even think it is OK to ask questions like, “But if he gets an operation, how is his wife going to be sexually satisfied?” First off, HER wife. OK? Show some respect. And second, it’s none of your fucking business – ha! seewhatididthere. I’m not asking you how you satisfy YOUR wife or husband. So why would that suddenly be an issue when someone comes out as trans? It’s up to you and your wife to figure out what it takes to continue in your marriage, both emotionally and physically. Your gender has NOTHING to do with that.
I’m dead pleased that you and your wife have managed to get through your rough patch of last year, and how much happier you both seem to be. I don’t know how the government handles marriages when one of the spouses decides to transition, but with gay marriage becoming a reality in the UK, I hope you’ll get remarried even if there’s no practical need. Any excuse to throw a party!
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Ha! Great response! Thank you. And we are definitely up for a party. No need for an excuse though xx 😀
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Hi Alex, Always glad to see someone standing up to to people’s ignorant crap. I hope Anne is alright and taking it as the gift of someone exposing themself as not being a real friend at all.
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((Gregg)) thank you!
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That is horrible that someone did that to your wife and in turn, to you. You both deserve better. Sorry to hear that this happened. It makes me sad that people can be so narrow minded and hurtful toward others.
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Thank you Bird. The positive aspect is that we are strong enough to get past this, and we know who our real friends are. x
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Alex, hearing (or reading) about people who are capable of treating anyone the way you and your wife were treated causes me great anger… I actually had to walk away from the computer the first time I read this post, and it’s been almost a week now before I could come back to it. Narrow-mindedness a trait that I find very difficult to accept, even though I try to be accepting of everyone. I think it’s absolutely disgusting that some people seem to think it’s okay to ask all sorts of ridiculously private questions when they learn that someone is different from them in some way. I am sorry that your wife’s former friend turned out to not be a very friendly person, but I’m glad for you and her that you won’t have to put up with that false friendship any longer.
I have a tremendous amount of respect and admiration for you and your wife, not in the least for sharing your amazing journey with us!
Earlier today, I saw a post on a social media site that made me think of your post, which is probably what brought me back (now that my anger has subsided some)… “Why is it that people with closed minds never seem to be able to keep their mouths closed?” Hope that brings you at least a small smile… 🙂
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Thank you ((Kent)). I’m glad your anger has subsided: we cut ourselves off from toxic people like that to preserve our own peace of mind. We both liked the quote! 😀 x
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I think you’re lovely, inside and out, and I would be honored if I were friends with you and your wife. That there are others out there who can’t recognize quality when they see it just means that they will lose out on the friendship and support they could have had from the two of you. It can be difficult to keep up with the changes others are making, but that’s no excuse for not making the effort to try to keep up with friends and their personal evolutions. Stay strong and stay true to you! You are a terrific person and I’m very glad to know you.
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(((Sparrow))) Thank you so much for your kind words. You are wonderful and I’m delighted to be your friend.
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Relating, staying connected, being close in soul and spirit, are all such excruciatingly difficult ideals to reach for as it is. How dare that person direct such vitriol towards two people who obviously have a precious special connection?!?! I’d be proud to be associated with you both!
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We really appreciate your support, and we’d be proud to have you (and Lucy of course) as friends. xx
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Lucy sends her kisses too xoxo!
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🙂 *special doggy hugs*
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😀
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So your wife has to become a lesbian to make you happy? wow, that’s some self-sacrifice.
it seems that’s the situation when one of the partners has to betray his/her true nature in order to stay together as a couple. And of course, it is always the woman. i don’t see a straight man suddenly keen to share his bed with another guy =his transwife.
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My wife is bisexual, so she hasn’t had to “become a lesbian” or “betray her true nature” at all. And because we are a couple it has not been about “making me happy” – it’s about us both having a healthy, loving relationship. The fact is that our relationship had become dysfunctional because of me betraying my true nature – my wife had already worked out what I had felt unable to tell her. Now that I am no longer hiding who I am we have a strong partnership and are both very happy.
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Wow! I am impressed with the grace and dignity with which you responded to that unnecessarily harsh and judgmental comment. You so rule, Alex!
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((((Sparrow)))) You are too kind. I just took it at face value, assuming ignorance rather than malice. Despite the blatant sexism.
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WOW Alex, you DO rock! Grace and dignity yes! And that is what we need to do: with Autistics, presume competance; with Abusers, presume ignorance! xx
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😀 xx
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