Here’s hoping for a quiet weekend. At least things are going well in my main job. Everything else though…
Tonight will be my first shift in the pub with the new manager. I’ve met her already when I got introduced Tuesday night but it takes me a long time to get used to a person so I feel comfortable. Hopefully she’ll be pretty laid back and leave me to get on with things. I’m anxious about it, worrying about what might happen – trying to plan how I’ll handle various hypothetical scenarios. But I just don’t know her well enough to predict how she will behave. So I’ll be stepping into the unknown when my shift starts.
There’s other stuff going on outside work that I can’t go into yet that is causing me a huge amount of worry as well. While I usually handle stress in particular areas of my life by compartmentalising and concentrating on other things, in this particular case it’s intense enough to leak out and affect everything else. The end result is that I find my stress levels increase and the danger is that it affects my ability to cope with my normal routine. I can’t concentrate as well and I experience sensory overload much more easily, which then makes it more likely that I will shut down. I’m worried about shutting down because I am caring for my wife while she is ill, and I am obviously no use to her if I can’t function. So the stress and worry is spiralling upwards because I feel anxious about worrying in the first place. It’s completely irrational. It makes me want to scream!
So I’m sitting here hoping that things run smoothly over the weekend. I’m not sure how much more stress I can handle and I’m inclined to head for the hills at the first sign of trouble. But there’s this little part of me that’s watching with interest to see exactly how high the levels can get before something breaks. Seems I can’t get away from analysing myself the whole time.
My Autistic Dance 
Oh boy. I really understand about not being able to handle too much stress and heading for the hills when it becomes too much. Anything new is very difficult, especially if it causes an interruption in routine. It's difficult with meeting a new person and if that person is your manager, I can see why you're concerned. I hope everything turns out very well for you this weekend and I hope the other stress in your life ends up resolving itself and things can run smoothly for you again. I know there's not much I can say.I find it interesting that you keeping a watch on yourself to see how much stress you can handle before you can't handle any more. That's a good idea. I didn't do that so well. I'm still surprised at what I can or cannot sometimes. At 44 I'm starting to actually get an idea of what I can and cannot deal with. Wow, it's taken me a long time to figure out.Anyway, I do hope everything does work out very, very well for you, Ben and I hope your wife is starting to do much better now, as well.
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Many thanks, Bird, for your support. I'm glad to say tonight went well – the new manager is friendly and direct, and also keen to make the business successful. The night was happily uneventful and followed the usual pattern, so that's one source of my worry somewhat reduced.Still got the big one to deal with though. Like I said above, I can't go into any detail about it yet even though that might help me handle it – that's not my decision to make.But on a positive note, I can see this second job is becoming less stressful as I get to know the new manager better and feel more comfortable talking to her. And it appears she's been made aware of my difficulty handling changes and is being very helpful by informing me about what's going to be happening, which gives me a chance to prepare.My main job is going well and I got a lovely thankyou this afternoon from one of my colleagues who is out in Sweden for giving him some technical back-up – via the phone of all things! Made me feel very good and gave me a much-needed boost.So all in all I'm coping well so far.
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Good to hear that last night went well, your new manager there sounds like an easy to work with person – that's good.I hope the other thing stressing you will be resolved soon. I know that anxiety about worrying – it doesn't make things easier when the stress comes both from outside and inside.
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