Would I Be Missed?

Would I Be Missed?

Would I be missed were I to go?
Or would memories quickly fade
Like ripples on a pond
Diminish? No resurrection
Possible from such faint echoes.

But what about the lives I’ve touched?
Shallow impressions left behind
Wear away easily.
Connection must run deeper
Than a casual acquaintance.

Living is harder than dying.
Oblivion promises a peace,
Lasting serenity.
Cessation of my suffering,
An end to pain. Ultimate rest.

My masochistic tendencies
Must be the reason I hang on
To a life such as this:
Where the future promises naught
But a monotony of hurt.

Looking forward from the bottom
Of this deep chasm of despair
I see only black walls,
As daunting in front as behind.
My way out: inconceivable.

Here I remain. Intervention
My only hope of climbing back
Up out of depression.
Throw me a line! Desperation
Will have me clutch at any straw.

I remember feeling happy
But my memory is misty,
Occluded by dark clouds,
Muted to the faintest whisper
Of the symphony I once heard.

I will curl up into a ball,
Foetal. Turn my back on the world.
Tune out, turn off, shut down.
Alone in my mind, safe from harm,
I will weather the storm in here.

4 thoughts on “Would I Be Missed?

  1. Oh my, this was so incredibly moving. There is so much pain in this at times. Life is challenging enough, but I feel with Asperger's it so much more so. I hope the storm will pass soon for you and the clouds will lift and light will fill you up once more.

    Like

  2. I have been pondering this issue, as well. Life is an almost constant struggle and I work hard, everyday just to be functional. No one will ever know how much effort I put into everyday life…except another Aspie. You sound like you are on the same …point on the spectrum as I. Nice

    Like

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