Would I be missed were I to go?
Or would memories quickly fade
Like ripples on a pond
Diminish? No resurrection
Possible from such faint echoes.
But what about the lives I’ve touched?
Shallow impressions left behind
Wear away easily.
Connection must run deeper
Than a casual acquaintance.
Living is harder than dying.
Oblivion promises a peace,
Cessation of my suffering,
An end to pain. Ultimate rest.
My masochistic tendencies
Must be the reason I hang on
To a life such as this:
Where the future promises naught
But a monotony of hurt.
Looking forward from the bottom
Of this deep chasm of despair
I see only black walls,
As daunting in front as behind.
My way out: inconceivable.
Here I remain. Intervention
My only hope of climbing back
Up out of depression.
Throw me a line! Desperation
Will have me clutch at any straw.
I remember feeling happy
But my memory is misty,
Occluded by dark clouds,
Muted to the faintest whisper
Of the symphony I once heard.
I will curl up into a ball,
Foetal. Turn my back on the world.
Tune out, turn off, shut down.
Alone in my mind, safe from harm,
I will weather the storm in here.
4 thoughts on “Would I Be Missed?”
Beautiful and with a sadness I can relate to.
Thank you. Your comment means a lot to me and has helped by making me feel better understood.
Oh my, this was so incredibly moving. There is so much pain in this at times. Life is challenging enough, but I feel with Asperger's it so much more so. I hope the storm will pass soon for you and the clouds will lift and light will fill you up once more.
I have been pondering this issue, as well. Life is an almost constant struggle and I work hard, everyday just to be functional. No one will ever know how much effort I put into everyday life…except another Aspie. You sound like you are on the same …point on the spectrum as I. Nice